Mostly Voices [0:00]

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. A different drummer.

Mostly Mary [0:18]

And now, coming to you from dead center on your dial, welcome to Risk Parity Radio, where we explore alternatives and asset allocations for the do-it-yourself investor. Broadcasting to you now from the comfort of his easy chair, here is your host, Frank Vasquez.

Mostly Uncle Frank [0:39]

Thank you, Mary, and welcome to Risk Parity Radio. If you are new here and wonder what we are talking about, you may wish to go back and listen to some of the foundational episodes for this program. Yeah, baby, yeah! And the basic foundational episodes are episodes 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. Some of our listeners, including Karen and Chris, have identified additional episodes that you may consider foundational. And those are episodes 12, 14, 16, 19, 21, 56, 82, and 184. And you probably should check those out too because we have the the finest podcast audience available.

Mostly Voices [1:28]

Top drawer, really top drawer, along with a

Mostly Uncle Frank [1:31]

host named after a hot dog.

Mostly Voices [1:34]

Lighten up, Francis.

Mostly Uncle Frank [1:38]

But now onward, episode 321. Today on risk parity radio, I thought we would just take a little frolicking detour. To do something we haven't done in a while. I was listening to the Value Stock Geeks Securities Analysis podcast today, which I highly recommend. Yes! And he gave us a little shout out as something he listens to on a regular basis. And I really appreciate that because I do think we have a high quality of listener here.

Mostly Voices [2:18]

Top drawer, really top drawer.

Mostly Uncle Frank [2:22]

At least once with patience and a sense of humor.

Mostly Voices [2:26]

Dead is dead.

Mostly Uncle Frank [2:30]

But anyway, he mentioned he was fond of some of the ranting I do occasionally about the financial services industry.

Mostly Voices [2:39]

As leader of your people, your spirit seems most indomitable. We suggest you alone pitted against three contestants of our choosing. Three against one. Those are pretty high odds. Not for true gamesters, Captain.

Mostly Uncle Frank [3:00]

Your terms are unfair. On the contrary, they're extremely fair, since your alternative is death. And it made me think, you know, I haven't had a really good rant in a long time.

Mostly Voices [3:17]

I haven't beaten anyone this bad in a long time. I haven't beaten anyone this bad in a long time. I haven't beaten anyone this bad in a long time.

Mostly Uncle Frank [3:30]

And so I thought I would take a break from your emails and look at my actual physical mail because there's some interesting things to talk about here. Surely you can't be serious. I am serious. And don't call me Shirley. Now, if I could just find that button.

Mostly Voices [4:03]

And away we go. I want you to be nice until it's time to be nice. To not be nice. Well, how are we supposed to know when that is? You won't. I'll let you know.

Mostly Uncle Frank [4:23]

Now, as I have mentioned in the past, I do get quite a few free steak dinner invitations to listen to people trying to sell annuities and other financial products. Now, I do not go to these things.

Mostly Voices [4:38]

I might get arrested if I did. You're too stupid to have a good time.

Mostly Uncle Frank [4:46]

But the ones I've been getting recently kind of just struck a chord with me as indicative of the entire financial services industry. I drink your milkshake. I drink it up. and a lot of popular media and personalities, if you will. So I must have received five of these this month, maybe because it's an election year, but I'm just gonna look at three of them. And these are very amusing because all three of them are to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. but for three different people or organizations. And they're all almost at the same time, they're on top of each other. So the first one, I've got a dinner at a Ruth's Chris Steakhouse on February 27th at 6：00 p.m. Now, half an hour later, I can go to another Ruth's Chris Steakhouse a few miles down the road, and start another dinner at 6：30 p.m. And I was wondering, maybe I could get in on both of them really hungry that day.

Mostly Voices [6:06]

I can eat 50 eggs.

Mostly Uncle Frank [6:09]

Nobody can eat 50 eggs. You just said he could eat anything. So those are two of them. Now, the first one also has a dinner at that same Ruth's Chris Steakhouse, which I think is the closest one to me, at 6：00 p.m. on February 28th. If we go to the third offeror, or offeror, I should say, they also have a dinner at the other Ruth's Chris Steakhouse starting on February 20th at 6：30 p.m. So I could make both of them, I think. And then they also have one on the 29th at 6：30 p.m. And then there's another one going back to number two on March 6th at 6：30 p.m. All at these Ruth's Chris steakhouses. Now I do note that the first one promises me my choice of a six ounce filet mignon, shrimp, salmon or a stuffed chicken breast, whereas numbers two and three do not make any promises as to what exactly the food is going to be there. I assume there'll be some meat involved.

Mostly Voices [7:15]

Would you like a schmork and a pancake? A what? A schmork and a pancake. You know, flapjack and a cigarette? Hmm, all right. Chugar and a waffle? No. Pipe and a grape? No. Bong in a blintz? No. Oh, well, then there is no pleasing you. Before they get to the cotton candy served in the presentation. Now, ho there, crusty crab, how can I help you? Pizza? Of course we have pizza. Now, it's interesting, 'cause the pitches are subtly different.

Mostly Uncle Frank [7:52]

The first one goes for the food angle, a complimentary gourmet meal immediately followed by an informational seminar and insurance presentation entitled Understanding Different Retirement Strategies and Promising a Little Fun.

Mostly Voices [8:07]

I demand that you shoot me now.

Mostly Uncle Frank [8:11]

Now the second one is also relatively optimistic. It's pitch is a confident financial future. It does note that we're planning in an era of volatility and inflation pressures. But the third one, the third one is the best. It's going straight for the fear, uncertainty and doubt jugular, if you will. It's pitch is, how can you retire with your highest income in the midst of financial chaos? Financial chaos! Real wrath of God type stuff. Exactly. Of course they got mixed messages here because they talk about this fun and engaging actionable intelligence event right after that. What do you mean funny? Funny how? How am I funny? But it made me wonder if whomever put this one together actually knew that the S&P 500 was hitting all-time highs these days. I'm still looking around for the financial chaos.

Mostly Voices [9:17]

It's all one big crapshoot, anywho.

Mostly Uncle Frank [9:21]

I'm imagining there's probably some menu for these flyers saying, Good times, bad times, middle times. Take one from column A, take one from column B, take one from column C. Now, I think this first one, though, is recycled from ones I've seen in past years. So they may have got the cheap marketing brochure, didn't want to pay for the financial chaos one.

Mostly Voices [9:48]

Fire and brimstone coming down from the sky.

Mostly Uncle Frank [9:52]

Because they've got inflation in big letters, all caps. Will the yields on your savings be able to keep up with rising inflation? Well, the answer is no, because a savings account is not designed to keep up with inflation. That's not how it works.

Mostly Voices [10:07]

That's not how any of this works.

Mostly Uncle Frank [10:10]

But anyway, the tip off here that this is outdated is the next one is global economy, and that's in all caps, and it says, what impact could the Russian Ukraine crisis have on the economy and your retirement? Now, this is complete like 2022-2023 stuff. This is not 2024. They really need to update their focus here. Are you stupid or something? Because nobody's talking about that anymore. They're talking about the election. Come on, guys. Come on. Get with it.

Mostly Voices [10:45]

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Mostly Uncle Frank [10:49]

Now, as I mentioned, the second one tries to stay positive, mostly. What they're gonna focus on here is first market volatility, proven strategies protect retirement assets, but then they go on to say, and why a future market downturn could last longer than any other in history, could last longer than any other in history.

Mostly Voices [11:12]

Rivers and seas boiling, 40 years of darkness, earthquakes, volcanoes, the dead rising from the grave.

Mostly Uncle Frank [11:19]

Now, I'm not sure how many hundreds of years of history they're looking at or whether they're going back to the Black Death or not, but it is what it is. The next one did pique my curiosity. They're going to teach us about true portfolio diversification and how to understand the difference between quote true versus quote fake asset diversification strategies for volatile and unpredictable global market. Then there's the promised maximize income strategy how to create the most increasing income in retirement protecting against inflationary erosion to person purchase power, purchasing power, unquote. Even in that prolonged market downturn period that we're going to have that will last longer than any other in history. Since before your son burned hot in space and before your race was born. And they also promised to teach us about social security, tax mitigation strategies, Longevity risk mitigation, otherwise known as a annuity. And then this last one, good versus bad IRAs. How to determine the difference in whether, where never to put your IRA. Well, I can answer that right away. I'm never gonna put my IRA with somebody that sends me an ad for a free steak dinner. Never.

Mostly Voices [12:37]

Not gonna do it, wouldn't be prudent.

Mostly Uncle Frank [12:41]

Now, moving on to Bachelorette number three.

Mostly Voices [12:45]

And last, but certainly not least, Bachelorette Number Three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot, boiling lava. But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona. Who's gonna help us in the midst of financial chaos? I am the founder of Mayhem, the most infamous black metal band in the world. We are lords of chaos. You guys suck.

Mostly Uncle Frank [13:17]

Sounds like Medusa here, doesn't it? They're gonna learn us about discover the secret in maximizing retirement income immediately without ever running out. Yeah, that's called an annuity. The next one's amusing. It is find out what Wall Street banks don't want you to know. What Wall Street banks don't want you to know because They're all sitting there, up there on Wall Street, thinking about, well, these people at this free steak dinner, you know, there's stuff that we don't want them to know for sure, so let's make sure they don't know it. This is a conspiracy. That's what this is. Keeping in line with the financial chaos theme, the next one is, learn how the government threatens your social security annuity. and what you need to do to maximize and protect it. Okay, Social Security is not an annuity. It acts like an annuity, but it's just a government program. And if you know the law of that, you know that the benefits can be changed at any time and your benefits are not guaranteed by the due process clause or any other legal protection. I'm just wondering how the government can threaten my Social Security since the government is the one that's paying it.

Mostly Voices [14:39]

It's an entitlement program.

Mostly Uncle Frank [14:42]

Are you stupid or something? Stupid is a stupid does, sir. Next one's gotta be election year stuff. Prevent sunsetting tax cuts, estate tax exemptions, inflation, excessive spending, burdensome regulations, Secure 2.0, National Debt Service, endless war funding, and other legislative risks that adversely impact your income and legacy. Well, you can go down and lobby Congress if you want to. They don't seem to be doing much of anything, but I'm not sure how these presenters are going to change legislation either.

Mostly Voices [15:16]

And how do you think you'd do it? I mean, look at you. You couldn't even drive a wheelchair. You should look at yourself, Max. You're a mess. Next one is really on that financial chaos theme.

Mostly Uncle Frank [15:33]

It says, Avoid asset obliteration due to volatility and uncertainty. Obliteration, chaos. It's all coming for you.

Mostly Voices [15:44]

You keep using the word. I don't think it means what you think it means.

Mostly Uncle Frank [15:52]

Determine how to reduce the massive costs and taxes associated with IRAs. 401ks and TSPs. What massive costs in taxes. They must have not gotten the memo that you actually save on taxes when you put money into those programs if you use them properly. Didn't you get that memo? And then just need to manage taking the money out once your tax rate is lower, which it most likely will be when you stop working.

Mostly Voices [16:20]

And, I'll go ahead and make sure you get another copy of that memo.

Mostly Uncle Frank [16:27]

Next one is acquire three things you absolutely must do before you ever consider buying an annuity and one thing you have to do before accepting your employer provided pension. I'm trying to imagine what these three things are. I'm wondering what the first one is. Maybe sacrifice a guinea pig at Machu Picchu. Maybe dance naked around the Washington Monument after that.

Mostly Voices [16:51]

And then maybe you can wrestle an alligator.

Mostly Uncle Frank [16:55]

That ought to take care of it. But after that list it says, We are facing unprecedented challenges from all directions.

Mostly Voices [17:06]

Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria. And the new rules render old paradigms obsolete.

Mostly Uncle Frank [17:14]

Nothing like those old paradigms, huh? This creates uncertainty and chaos. Chaos! What guy in a suit? No, it's a tax collector.

Mostly Voices [17:26]

Hi there, SpongeBob! And so on and so forth.

Mostly Uncle Frank [17:34]

Ah, the sweet smell of an all-day sucker. Anyway, but I also always look at who exactly is promoting or providing this in whatever instance it is. First one I had to actually read the fine print to find the name. It's a guy named Phil.

Mostly Voices [17:55]

Phil? Hey, Phil? Phil? I thought that was you.

Mostly Uncle Frank [18:02]

Who sells insurance products including fixed index annuities.

Mostly Voices [18:06]

Do you have life insurance, Phil? Because if you do, you could always use a little more, right? I mean, who couldn't?

Mostly Uncle Frank [18:14]

It does guarantee there'll be no products sold at the event, so at least there's that.

Mostly Voices [18:18]

You had me at hello.

Mostly Uncle Frank [18:23]

What is it about guys named Phil and insurance? Watch out for that first step.

Mostly Voices [18:26]

It's a doozy. Now I look at the next one.

Mostly Uncle Frank [18:31]

And it's another guy named Phil. Bing again. It is a different Phil. Punkzatoni Phil.

Mostly Voices [18:40]

That's right, woodchuck chuckers, it's Groundhog Day. Get up and check that hog out there. Yes. Come here, Groundhog. Which is good because he would have to be in two different Ruth's Chris steakhouses at the same time if he were the same person. Forget about it.

Mostly Uncle Frank [19:00]

And it mentions he's been featured in such media outlets as the Wall Street Journal, CNBC, Bloomberg Radio, Investment News and Financial Advisor Magazine. He's also a regular contributor to Kiplinger's wealth creation platform. And what does that really tell you? It really tells you that the financial media that is not there for you, the financial media is there to help People like this Phil. Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. Get their feet wet, promote things and sell stuff to us.

Mostly Voices [19:39]

Because only one thing counts in this life. Get them to sign on the line which is dotted. So then they can advertise in said financial media. Always be closing.

Mostly Uncle Frank [19:55]

Always Be closing! I'll tell you, Kiplinger and Forbes have to be the worst these days. They seem to accept any article from any random person who are all just looking to build up some kind of cred, if you will. A always B, B, C closing, always be closing! But it really shows you just how far down the hole most financial media has gone.

Mostly Voices [20:21]

They're sitting out there waiting to give you their money, or you're gonna take it. Anyway, I did save the best for last.

Mostly Uncle Frank [20:31]

Let's go over to Financial Chaos Land and see who is sponsoring that one. Now, Financial Chaos Land is going to have two presenters, one whose name I will not identify because it would promote him inadvertently because it's not a common name. But anyway, he calls himself a registered financial fiduciary. Whatever that means, it unclear whether he actually has any certifications at all.

Mostly Voices [21:02]

Forget about it.

Mostly Uncle Frank [21:06]

But he claims to have access to resources that allow him to perpetually enhance his understanding of economics and personal finance. I was like, are you listening to this podcast? I mean, I don't know what that is supposed to mean, but I thought it was very odd.

Mostly Voices [21:23]

Abby Normal. I'm almost sure that was the name. I actually think he needs a much better editor.

Mostly Uncle Frank [21:32]

But the last one is the most amusing one. The other presenter in Financial Chaos Land is going to be none other than Professor Lawrence J. Kotlikoff. Hello, Newman. Bill as the world-renowned economist. Which kind of begs the question. If you're a world-renowned economist who has written lots of books, what in the world are you doing shilling annuities At a Ruth's Chris Steakhouse at the end of February of this year. No man, what is going on here? Have you fallen on hard times? Put that coffee down. If so, I'm sorry for you. Coffee's for closers only. But this really shows that a lot of popular names are really not to be trusted. and they are willing to sell themselves to the highest bidders.

Mostly Voices [22:38]

Oh, come on, Jerry, you're wrong, people. They want to watch freaks. This is a catfish. Kramer. Hello, Newman. And you might not even have to bid that high. I have a receipt for a rental car with your signature, including a report of some damage to the rear seat. It seems as if the The springs were so compressed that they completely collapsed the right side.

Mostly Uncle Frank [23:03]

I'm not sure I should laugh or I should cry, but it is really sad that someone who is supposed to be an honest academic is going to steak houses bellowing about financial chaos, asset obliteration and other such nonsense just to get a few people whose bellies are full of meat to sign up for something. But it is highly indicative of where we are today with financial services, financial media, and now even the academics are joining in on the feeding frenzy. I hope he's aware of the prizes being offered.

Mostly Voices [23:49]

Because we're adding a little something to this month's sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac El Dorado. Anybody want to see second prize? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired. Anyway, I will not be attending any of these.

Mostly Uncle Frank [24:10]

Mary says we have beef at home. Mary, Mary, I need your hug. and they do have very nice, large beef tenderloins you can get at Costco these days. I highly recommend them. Oh, behave. Yeah, yeah, baby.

Mostly Voices [24:46]

I do have this kind of dream or vision, though, of Larry kotlikov appearing at my table like the waiter in Monty Python's the Meaning of Life. Ah, good afternoon, sir, and how are we today? Better, better. Better get a bucket, I'm gonna throw up. Ah, Gaston, a bucket for Monsieur. I wonder if he offers a mint at the end of the meal. And finally, Monsieur, a waffle thin mint. Ah, sir, it's only a tiny little thin one. It's only a waffer thing. Look, I could make another thing. I'm absolutely stuffed. Buzz off, horse. Just. Just one. Just one. Just the one. I guess I'll never know. But now I see our signal is beginning to fade.

Mostly Uncle Frank [25:43]

We will return to our regularly scheduled programming this weekend. Much to your delight or chagrin as the case may be. You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind. In the meantime, if you have comments or questions for me, please send them to frank@riskparityradio.com That email is frank@riskparityradio.com, or you can go to the website www.riskparityradio.com and put your message into the contact form and I'll get it that way. If you haven't had a chance to do it, please go to your favorite podcast provider and like, subscribe, give me some stars, a review, a follow. That would be great. Okay. Thank you once again for tuning in. This is Frank Vasquez with Risk Parity Radio. Signing off.

Mostly Mary [27:33]

The Risk Parity Radio show is hosted by Frank Vasquez. The content provided is for entertainment and informational purposes only and does not constitute financial, investment, tax, or legal advice. Please consult with your own advisors before taking any actions based on any information you have heard here, making sure to take into account your own personal circumstances.